Marriage – the facts you need to know - 42
· You need to know to hug her even when she's mad and telling you not to touch her.
· You need to know to buy her a diamond. Even if you have to wait twenty years to afford the right one.
· You need to know that, for some reason, women aren't huge fans of movies that involve explosions, car chases, helicopters, gunfights, karate, or girls in swimsuits. Yes, that's weird.
· You need to know women like to make lists. And just when you think everything on that list is checked off, she'll make another list.
· You need to know she's not going to want to name her child after a state, a motorcycle, or an English soccer team.
· You need to know that just because she's a she, she may not know how to sew.
· You need to know you can't wash your jeans and shorts with her underwear. Who knows why. . . .
· You need to know it's not always her hormones. You might actually be at fault.
· You need to know that women, for some reason, care that the bed is made.
· You need to know to talk to her about more things than how tough your day was and that she's spending too much money.
· You need to know that lighting a scented candle before she wakes up sets a nice tone for the day.
· You need to know she will paint the house the color she likes. Your best move is to smile and nod.
· You need to know how to clean the kitchen. Really, life will be smoother.
· You need to know that she needs to know she's the most important thing in your life. For some reason, that's easy for women to forget.
· You need to know to make a pass at her when you're at the movies. Of course you'll get shot down, but you knew the odds were slim anyway.
· You need to know she'd like you to change T-shirts. In fact, it may be time to throw that fifteen-year-old shirt away.
· You need to know your feet, your gym socks, and your tennis shoes smell. Don't take it personally when she mentions it.
· You need to know when she screams at you to slow down, she's not criticizing. She's afraid of pain and death.
· You need to know the answer to the question "Do I look fat?" is always "No." Always. Always. (For extra credit, you could add, "Actually, I think you could use a few more pounds.")
· You need to know if you're upset because dinner isn't ready when you get home, you haven't spent enough time doing your wife's job.